Mother's Day!!!

For past few days I have had this over whelming sense of how truly blessed I am. I absolutely love being a mom!!! Even when my kids are yelling at me that they want a new family, putting their clothes in the toilet, telling me how unfair I am....while these are not my favorite times, I still love being a mom. There were so many moments over this last weekend that I just stopped and thought to myself, I am so lucky for the life that I have. I grabbed my kids and hugged them over and over, telling them how much I loved them....to the point that I 'm pretty sure they thought I was crazy, but its all I wanted to do. 

I admit that there have been times this last year that I have been ready to throw in the towel, give up, get in the car and drive away from everything and everyone. There have been days that I have cried and thought life really isn't fair, why do I have to go through this (yep, I'm human). There have even been days that I have thought, why in the world am I wasting my time praying when it really doesn't seem to be doing much good. But when I look back and think of everythingI have learned over this past year...I feel truly blessed!

I was thinking today about where I was last year at this time. Spending my days trying to balance spending time with my kids at home and spending time with Brooklyn that was in the hospital an hour away. If I spent too much time at the hospital I felt guilty for neglecting my other kids and when I tried to stay at home more I yearned to be at the hospital with my new baby (an ache that I think only a mom truly understands).

I remember being at the hospital and having the staff bring me a mother's day card and it meaning so much to me. Brooklyn was in a room with 4 other babies and I got to know that other moms. We all had an unspoken love and support for one another. It was also on Mother's day last year that they started giving Brooklyn a bottle after she passed her second swallow study. It was a big step because it was one of the things she and I had to master before they would send her home. I remember going to the hospital the night of Mother's day so grateful that I got to feed my baby (she always ate better for me than for the nurses). Honestly those days spent at the hospital were full of questions and worry and I had no idea what I was in for in the future. 

I had no idea what this sweet baby would bring to me, my family and to many of the people with which she comes in contact. This time last year I was so full of guilt, worry, stress, and fear that I couldn't see the truly amazing blessing that I had been given.  While I wouldn't wish this situation on anybody, I also wouldn't change it. Brooklyn has given me an eternal perspective that I never had in that past and one that I will hold onto forever. She has taught me more about the love of our Savior and the love of so many good people on this earth, people that I'm close to and people that have only heard my story and I have never met. I can honestly say that while I have been through some hard times, I have never felt so loved in my life. The Lord allows us to have trials, but he also stands with us through them and allows us to lean on him when we are ready too. I have a feeling that he sighs and laughs a little every time I pray now, because I tend to try and negotiate with him....but I have learned that while my prayers are always answered in the way I want or think they should be, it doesn't mean that He is not listening to me. So the fact of the matter is that I am so blessed to be a mom to 4 amazing kiddos. You learn lessons as a mother that you can't really learn any other way.